I've been assured many times in my 33 years that I was either born in the wrong century (and I'm very rarely late by a few minutes let alone decades) or that I'm getting old before my time. My wife has now told me on countless occasions - probably because I haven't been keeping track - that I've lost my sense of humour. If you've seen Will Ferrell in Step Brothers and failed to laugh at very much of it at all and are under the age of 50 then please let her know that I'm not the only one.
Sure, I'll accept that I'm not the same spry, happy-go-lucky, care-free soul I once was. I am no longer terrified at the very thought of wearing a cardigan (around the house, at least). I like tobacco pipes, classical music, my slippers, a warm bed and reading a book in a comfy armchair. I find Stephen Fry endlessly amusing, I have mortgage payments to contribute to (and soon I'll have two) and despair at the long hair and lack of any sort of intelligence or manners in anyone born after 1990 but I don't think I've gone too far just yet.
I'm not yet prepared to delete my Slipknot albums from my MacBook Pro, cut off my internet connection, throw out my iPhone or my XBox 360, change my preference for our next car to a Volvo stationwagon from a V8 Commodore, start panting at the thought of an Andre Rieu concert or start wearing some smart brogues instead of a pair of running shoes.
Whether I'll ever find Will Ferrell all that funny is another matter.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Internerd
I've started writing this as I've been keeping a careful eye on my download limits this month as we've already used 70% of our 20GB capacity and we're only 55% into our month. Aside from the fact that broadband download limits in Australia are woeful at best ($70 for 20GB? I'm looking at you, Optus!), the speed does nothing to improve things.
Back in the heady days of 2005 (back in my Blighty days), I paid £30 for unlimited download capacity on a 2Mbps line. If I was there now, I'd be able to have a 50Mbps line with unlimited downloads for £33 per month or half that speed for £17.50. And this is not in a grand metropolis like London. I'm talking of a small town of around 15,000 people where you can walk for less than three minutes and see lush, green fields and the odd bus heading to Wobbly Bottom or Little Whining.
Now, before you say "Go back there then", I'm a permanent resident in Australia so ya boo sucks. Also, I think I have a fair point as the way forward in business and communications is through digital means. Television is slowly turning digital over the next few years, not that a most will notice much at all except that a great many will find their perfectly functional television now needs a box attached to it so that they can continue to watch SBS. Radio is slooooowly becoming digital through DAB+ in Australia although range and quality is lacking compared to FM. Just be grateful that we're not stuck with the woes of the original DAB (rather than the shiny DAB+) service that will soon be taking over the airwaves in the UK in the next 2 years or so that is causing uproar amongst the audiophiles who like to have a bit of Radio 3 from their radiogram. This doesn't include the millions of cars in the UK that don't have DAB receivers (and the two companies that manufacture them) in them.
Internet connection speeds throughout the rest of the civilised world have evolved and it's high time that the telecomms giants in Australia did something to stop the rot around our feet that seems to be dropping us to the bottom of the totem pole. DAB+ not good enough sound-wise or too limited in choice? How about internet radio with a choice of over 30,000 stations with something for everybody and (for the most part) highly satisfactory sound quality? There's nothing worth watching on Foxtel or free-to-air [more of a statement than a question, really]? How about the millions of hours of video available over the internet? America has great things like Hulu and iTunes movies that are fairly reasonable in price and quality without having to leave home or have a dish or a spaghetti-like stream of cables all over the house. Not in Australia, alas. Sure, there are copyright and licensing issues but, let's face facts, it costs nothing to make a digital file available anywhere in the world.
All too domestic an angle? How about the millions of dollars and tonnes of carbon emissions saved through video conferencing rather than expensive "business trips". How about the intelligent use of tele-commuting to work from home and allow more flexible working hours, location and a happier workforce?
Why not? Because this is a first-world nation with a third-world internet provision and the sooner that some brave soul can persuade the tele-comms fat cats to stub out their Montecristos and pave a bold path into a brighter digital Australia, the better.
Back in the heady days of 2005 (back in my Blighty days), I paid £30 for unlimited download capacity on a 2Mbps line. If I was there now, I'd be able to have a 50Mbps line with unlimited downloads for £33 per month or half that speed for £17.50. And this is not in a grand metropolis like London. I'm talking of a small town of around 15,000 people where you can walk for less than three minutes and see lush, green fields and the odd bus heading to Wobbly Bottom or Little Whining.
Now, before you say "Go back there then", I'm a permanent resident in Australia so ya boo sucks. Also, I think I have a fair point as the way forward in business and communications is through digital means. Television is slowly turning digital over the next few years, not that a most will notice much at all except that a great many will find their perfectly functional television now needs a box attached to it so that they can continue to watch SBS. Radio is slooooowly becoming digital through DAB+ in Australia although range and quality is lacking compared to FM. Just be grateful that we're not stuck with the woes of the original DAB (rather than the shiny DAB+) service that will soon be taking over the airwaves in the UK in the next 2 years or so that is causing uproar amongst the audiophiles who like to have a bit of Radio 3 from their radiogram. This doesn't include the millions of cars in the UK that don't have DAB receivers (and the two companies that manufacture them) in them.
Internet connection speeds throughout the rest of the civilised world have evolved and it's high time that the telecomms giants in Australia did something to stop the rot around our feet that seems to be dropping us to the bottom of the totem pole. DAB+ not good enough sound-wise or too limited in choice? How about internet radio with a choice of over 30,000 stations with something for everybody and (for the most part) highly satisfactory sound quality? There's nothing worth watching on Foxtel or free-to-air [more of a statement than a question, really]? How about the millions of hours of video available over the internet? America has great things like Hulu and iTunes movies that are fairly reasonable in price and quality without having to leave home or have a dish or a spaghetti-like stream of cables all over the house. Not in Australia, alas. Sure, there are copyright and licensing issues but, let's face facts, it costs nothing to make a digital file available anywhere in the world.
All too domestic an angle? How about the millions of dollars and tonnes of carbon emissions saved through video conferencing rather than expensive "business trips". How about the intelligent use of tele-commuting to work from home and allow more flexible working hours, location and a happier workforce?
Why not? Because this is a first-world nation with a third-world internet provision and the sooner that some brave soul can persuade the tele-comms fat cats to stub out their Montecristos and pave a bold path into a brighter digital Australia, the better.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Stand By Your Men
I'm a big believer in supporting your sporting teams no matter how well or poorly they happen to be playing. I'm ecstatic at the moment for the Los Angeles Kings. They're currently sitting second only to the Calgary Flames in the western conference. I'm fit to burst with excitement for Saracens RFC. They're number one in the Premiership and are undefeated this season.
Why, oh for fuck's sake, why can't the Oakland Raiders at least lose without looking like they're a geriatric womens' sewing circle rather than over $100M worth of professional sportsman?
I remember nearly 20 years ago when when the defensive teams had true greats like Howie Long and the offense consisted almost solely of the running skills of Marcus Allen and Bo Jackson. I remember us all screaming at Jay Schroeder because he seemed barely able to win a carnival ball toss game let alone throw with any sort of skill. Thank whatever power in the universe he went to Cincinnati in '93.
Now there's no skill on offense, defense or special teams. Maybe we can just call it a day now and just mark the rest of the season as forfeit. I've never been one to abandon my teams just because they play poorly (I'm an Oakland A's supporter and they haven't done anything interesting in decades)... but I'm not happy with the Raiders right now.
Not happy at all, Tom Cable!
Why, oh for fuck's sake, why can't the Oakland Raiders at least lose without looking like they're a geriatric womens' sewing circle rather than over $100M worth of professional sportsman?
I remember nearly 20 years ago when when the defensive teams had true greats like Howie Long and the offense consisted almost solely of the running skills of Marcus Allen and Bo Jackson. I remember us all screaming at Jay Schroeder because he seemed barely able to win a carnival ball toss game let alone throw with any sort of skill. Thank whatever power in the universe he went to Cincinnati in '93.
Now there's no skill on offense, defense or special teams. Maybe we can just call it a day now and just mark the rest of the season as forfeit. I've never been one to abandon my teams just because they play poorly (I'm an Oakland A's supporter and they haven't done anything interesting in decades)... but I'm not happy with the Raiders right now.
Not happy at all, Tom Cable!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
A G helL
While I'm not the kind of guy to start off any relationship with a massive rant (well, okay. I am... but get to know me first, mmmmmmkay?)...
There are now three little letters of the alphabet guaranteed to get me into a frothing frenzy like a cartoon dog from a Tom & Jerry sketch.
A.G.L.
While the site blurb states that Australian Gas Lighting was started in eighteen-hundred and who-gives-a-damn, I'm much more inclined to believe that the acronym really stands for something else. Perhaps... oh, I don't know. Aggravation Guaranteed Limited or Another Group of Losers are two possible solutions.
Being a grunt who works for a major player in Australia, listening to bile eruptions from all levels of humanity (and a few below it) and a former small business owner, I would say that I'm fairly well versed in the basics of customer service. I try to solve problems and answer enquiries with speed, intelligence, good manners and, wherever possible, a little wit and charm. While I don't expect all the lunatics I get my services from to reciprocate, it'd be nice every once in a while.
This all started when my darling wife and I moved 800m up the road into a new apartment. We'd been with our old supplier of electrons for about a year and were perfectly happy in that we never had to think about electricity. Bill comes in. Bill gets paid. Bill goes into file folder. Yes, I still have bills from 2007 in a nice organised folder.
So, we move in to our new digs. Nice, modern and well-located. This is where things start to go a little pear-shaped.
Apparently (and I only found this out today) at the time we moved in, AGL had the billing rights to the building and, after nearly 12 months of residence, sent "The Occupier" a bill for nearly $1000. I thought that since I was getting a load of mail for the previous resident, it was his and he hadn't paid before he left. A typical story around the world.
When I called up, they seem to have started a new account (this one in my name). So, after getting a Final Demand - Pay Up Or We Send The Boys 'Round type of letter every three months, my wife relents and makes her own enquiries. With a long list of notes from where I'd called previously that they "can't quite read" (helps to pay just a little attention in class, eh?) and much escalating, pays the outstanding balance of a little over $1000 in the vain hopes of a somewhat more peaceful existence.
Oh, that it were that simple.
Today, we receive another Final Demand letter. This one for the acct in my name that I never wanted or asked for. Dated 18 September and magically increasing another $25 in 6 days. but Does any one know a loan shark who charges 10% interest per week? Even the most cold-hearted bank manager would baulk at that!
So, after another 40 minute phone call, this one gets paid too. After paying $1300 in two days, can I have a letter stating that all accounts for this address have been closed and have no outstanding balances. No, of course not!
Fine. I decided to make it plain (although my wife flowered it a little) that if they ever contacted me in any way again, be it anything other than a letter of apology for how dire their customer service is or the letter that I requested, I'd be contacting the Ombudsman.
I'm sure there's folk out there in Terra Australis who are perfectly happy with this particular dog and pony show and to them I wish the very best of luck. Personally, I'd rather be the co-star of a Tijuana donkey show than deal with them ever again.
There are now three little letters of the alphabet guaranteed to get me into a frothing frenzy like a cartoon dog from a Tom & Jerry sketch.
A.G.L.
While the site blurb states that Australian Gas Lighting was started in eighteen-hundred and who-gives-a-damn, I'm much more inclined to believe that the acronym really stands for something else. Perhaps... oh, I don't know. Aggravation Guaranteed Limited or Another Group of Losers are two possible solutions.
Being a grunt who works for a major player in Australia, listening to bile eruptions from all levels of humanity (and a few below it) and a former small business owner, I would say that I'm fairly well versed in the basics of customer service. I try to solve problems and answer enquiries with speed, intelligence, good manners and, wherever possible, a little wit and charm. While I don't expect all the lunatics I get my services from to reciprocate, it'd be nice every once in a while.
This all started when my darling wife and I moved 800m up the road into a new apartment. We'd been with our old supplier of electrons for about a year and were perfectly happy in that we never had to think about electricity. Bill comes in. Bill gets paid. Bill goes into file folder. Yes, I still have bills from 2007 in a nice organised folder.
So, we move in to our new digs. Nice, modern and well-located. This is where things start to go a little pear-shaped.
Apparently (and I only found this out today) at the time we moved in, AGL had the billing rights to the building and, after nearly 12 months of residence, sent "The Occupier" a bill for nearly $1000. I thought that since I was getting a load of mail for the previous resident, it was his and he hadn't paid before he left. A typical story around the world.
When I called up, they seem to have started a new account (this one in my name). So, after getting a Final Demand - Pay Up Or We Send The Boys 'Round type of letter every three months, my wife relents and makes her own enquiries. With a long list of notes from where I'd called previously that they "can't quite read" (helps to pay just a little attention in class, eh?) and much escalating, pays the outstanding balance of a little over $1000 in the vain hopes of a somewhat more peaceful existence.
Oh, that it were that simple.
Today, we receive another Final Demand letter. This one for the acct in my name that I never wanted or asked for. Dated 18 September and magically increasing another $25 in 6 days. but Does any one know a loan shark who charges 10% interest per week? Even the most cold-hearted bank manager would baulk at that!
So, after another 40 minute phone call, this one gets paid too. After paying $1300 in two days, can I have a letter stating that all accounts for this address have been closed and have no outstanding balances. No, of course not!
Fine. I decided to make it plain (although my wife flowered it a little) that if they ever contacted me in any way again, be it anything other than a letter of apology for how dire their customer service is or the letter that I requested, I'd be contacting the Ombudsman.
I'm sure there's folk out there in Terra Australis who are perfectly happy with this particular dog and pony show and to them I wish the very best of luck. Personally, I'd rather be the co-star of a Tijuana donkey show than deal with them ever again.
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